1000 words

Dear blog,

I've actually been writing and deleting this entry for the last 40 minutes or so. The long short of it is it looks like just can't spin thoughts in words quite like i used to 

Maybe going old does that to a person.

So I just turned 39.

And I've never been so unsure of my life as I do now. Probably.

Yeah.

Let's just end this post at that.

Also, music. I love music. Again. So I'm gonna continue this blog's old tradition of naming the titles based on music and sharing the namesake with a youtube video link.

https://youtu.be/5F_n71T19cE?si=TUupdFXPhV4wjttw

The age of dragons

...is upon us once again. Dragon Age: the Veilguard, the 4th entry of the Dragon Age RPG series is FINALLY releasing next week after a whole decade since the last entry. Although I'm not entirely convinced this upcoming entry is going the be banger it desperately needs to be, given how long dormant the series has been, I'm gonna purchase and play it regarldless because the Dragon Age games holds a special place in my heart ever since the first game, Dragon Age: Origins I believe theres is a blog post I made about DA:O so many years ago here. Even after all that time, I still fondly remember the brief time I spent as a Grey Warden rookie with the heroic Duncan, Morrigan's condescending remarks, Alistair's jokes, and of course sweet, sister Leliana (who is also an assassin). Will Veilguard be able to give me the same experience? Probably not. I am afterall a different gamer than I was then. DA:O released in... 2008? My gosh that was nearly 20 years ago. I feel ancient just thinking about it. So yeah. Veilguard. Cant wait! I'll write my thoughts about it when I play it.

Into the void

It's been almost a year since I quietly removed myself from social media. There was something about knowing too much about everyone that was overwhelming, suffocating me with a wave of negative energy. 

Recently though, I did dip my feet juuust a wee bit to see what I was missing out and sure enough, I was right about my decision to stay away. 

Yet, maybe it's just human to want to share our thoughts with other. To reach out to someone - something, even when there is nothing.

I am a pent up ball of emotions that is bursting at the seams. 

A ticking time bomb that is waiting to explode.

So here I am, back to my safe space. My ever loyal thought bubble.

I am here to shout into the void. 

Because I am just human.

360

I did not care

And then I did

I cared

Perhaps too much

Too much

That it hurts

Hurts

So I turned back

I stopped caring

I distanced

I closed

I don't wish to be hurt

I don't wish to hurt

I did not care

And then I did

And now I do not

34

Dedicated to my dearest wife, Izanin Sofya, and our (as of now) three children Waliyya, Yahya, and Dehya.

It's November 14th, 2019. My 34th birthday - the last one for this decade. When I was a child, 2020 seemed like a far future. Now it's just a month from now. So should this space exists in the far flung future when you, my children, are all grown up, and I may even have left this world, I hope you will find this time capsule.

Waliyya, our first born. Your mom and I weren't blessed with children for the first 4 years of our marriage. You had a little bit of speech problem growing up - you started speaking properly quite late. But at 6 now, you're an absolute chatterbox! Sometimes to a point which annoys me - but I love you all the same girl. You'll be attending your first year of school next year. I wonder what kind of girl you'll turn up to be.

Yahya. You're 4 this year. You have your mom's skin tone and eyes. And you love to play video games. Maybe a little too much. But hey, apple doesn't fall far from the tree yeah? Just so you know, I only started playing at 7 or 8 years old so chances are, if you're still playing as of the time you're reading this, you'd probably be a killer player. lol. Oh, you're also the hardest to take care out of your 3 siblings. I hope you'll grow up to be a fine young man.

 Dehya, you're 2 years old this year. Surprisingly, you're the most independent of the bunch, and causing the least amount of trouble and worry. Or maybe it's too soon to say? We'll see.

And least but not least (cliché, I know) my wife of 10 years, and best friend well before that. I know the last couple of years of our marriage has been rocky, but we persevered, you and I, where some others might have not. And we came out stronger from it. You're my source of light and love. I could not imagine what live would be without you by my side (literally and figuratively). Thank you. Thank you. Thank you