I need to get it off my chest

It's 7.35am. Left my 2 sons and daughter at their respective schools. Just clocked in at work. As I sat down, I feel unable to do anything. Yesterdays' news still making my stomach turn. There has been an increase in school related incidents in the last year but this one... This one hits close to home. I have been ruminating about the fragility of life quite a bit lately. Of the significance of life, or what I'm starting to feeling is the utter lack of it. Too easy can one's life be snuffed. Years of life and experience, gone in an instant. And we become just a memory. Spoken in past tense. Those left behind, carrying the pain and the loss but life... life goes on without us. In the workforce especially, the void left with the death of a worker is like the death of an ant. There are always other to replace the loss of one. Why am I even here? Where am I going after this life? Am I significant? When religion fails, 2 of those questions become impossible to answer and the last one can easily incline to a NO. I'm not sure how to end this entry. There are still words left unsaid but I'm afraid to say them. I guess I'll just stop. I want it to stop. I want it ALL to stop.

1000 words

Dear blog,

I've actually been writing and deleting this entry for the last 40 minutes or so. The long short of it is it looks like just can't spin thoughts in words quite like i used to 

Maybe going old does that to a person.

So I just turned 39.

And I've never been so unsure of my life as I do now. Probably.

Yeah.

Let's just end this post at that.

Also, music. I love music. Again. So I'm gonna continue this blog's old tradition of naming the titles based on music and sharing the namesake with a youtube video link.

https://youtu.be/5F_n71T19cE?si=TUupdFXPhV4wjttw

The age of dragons

...is upon us once again. Dragon Age: the Veilguard, the 4th entry of the Dragon Age RPG series is FINALLY releasing next week after a whole decade since the last entry. Although I'm not entirely convinced this upcoming entry is going the be banger it desperately needs to be, given how long dormant the series has been, I'm gonna purchase and play it regarldless because the Dragon Age games holds a special place in my heart ever since the first game, Dragon Age: Origins I believe theres is a blog post I made about DA:O so many years ago here. Even after all that time, I still fondly remember the brief time I spent as a Grey Warden rookie with the heroic Duncan, Morrigan's condescending remarks, Alistair's jokes, and of course sweet, sister Leliana (who is also an assassin). Will Veilguard be able to give me the same experience? Probably not. I am afterall a different gamer than I was then. DA:O released in... 2008? My gosh that was nearly 20 years ago. I feel ancient just thinking about it. So yeah. Veilguard. Cant wait! I'll write my thoughts about it when I play it.

Into the void

It's been almost a year since I quietly removed myself from social media. There was something about knowing too much about everyone that was overwhelming, suffocating me with a wave of negative energy. 

Recently though, I did dip my feet juuust a wee bit to see what I was missing out and sure enough, I was right about my decision to stay away. 

Yet, maybe it's just human to want to share our thoughts with other. To reach out to someone - something, even when there is nothing.

I am a pent up ball of emotions that is bursting at the seams. 

A ticking time bomb that is waiting to explode.

So here I am, back to my safe space. My ever loyal thought bubble.

I am here to shout into the void. 

Because I am just human.

360

I did not care

And then I did

I cared

Perhaps too much

Too much

That it hurts

Hurts

So I turned back

I stopped caring

I distanced

I closed

I don't wish to be hurt

I don't wish to hurt

I did not care

And then I did

And now I do not