34

Dedicated to my dearest wife, Izanin Sofya, and our (as of now) three children Waliyya, Yahya, and Dehya.

It's November 14th, 2019. My 34th birthday - the last one for this decade. When I was a child, 2020 seemed like a far future. Now it's just a month from now. So should this space exists in the far flung future when you, my children, are all grown up, and I may even have left this world, I hope you will find this time capsule.

Waliyya, our first born. Your mom and I weren't blessed with children for the first 4 years of our marriage. You had a little bit of speech problem growing up - you started speaking properly quite late. But at 6 now, you're an absolute chatterbox! Sometimes to a point which annoys me - but I love you all the same girl. You'll be attending your first year of school next year. I wonder what kind of girl you'll turn up to be.

Yahya. You're 4 this year. You have your mom's skin tone and eyes. And you love to play video games. Maybe a little too much. But hey, apple doesn't fall far from the tree yeah? Just so you know, I only started playing at 7 or 8 years old so chances are, if you're still playing as of the time you're reading this, you'd probably be a killer player. lol. Oh, you're also the hardest to take care out of your 3 siblings. I hope you'll grow up to be a fine young man.

 Dehya, you're 2 years old this year. Surprisingly, you're the most independent of the bunch, and causing the least amount of trouble and worry. Or maybe it's too soon to say? We'll see.

And least but not least (cliché, I know) my wife of 10 years, and best friend well before that. I know the last couple of years of our marriage has been rocky, but we persevered, you and I, where some others might have not. And we came out stronger from it. You're my source of light and love. I could not imagine what live would be without you by my side (literally and figuratively). Thank you. Thank you. Thank you

The three individuals that changed my life

Up until the last Ramadhan, I was probably your average Muslim of the 21th century. I pray 5 times a day, fast for a month every year, try my best not to lie, yet as I came to find out just recently, I was probably not even at the rank of average - I was a weak believer.

Alhamdulillah, Allah has guided on the path towards him once again. And here I would like to share with you my story.

Now, Allah's Mercy and Hidayah may manifest in different ways. For me, it was 3 individuals who have changed my life forever.

To be perfectly honest with you, I wasn't at all one to open up youtube in search of religious lectures. However during the last Ramadhan, I was somehow compelled to view this video on the sidebar entitled 'How the bible led me to Islam' by a brother Joshua Evans. The gist of it is, brother Joshua was a devout Methodist, a youth minister even, who, after a series of events found Islam at the age of 17. Not only did he just learn the basics of Islam, he even went as far as becoming a Da'ie (one who calls towards Islam).

Brother Joshua and said video

After I watched the video, I was absolutely ashamed of myself. There I was, a Muslim for 24 years - since birth! Yet I had nowhere near the level of conviction that brother Joshua had. This propelled me into doing a lot of study about Islam and I did a lot of comparative religion study by myself.

I also watched more videos from brother Joshua when I eventually stumbled onto a Da'wah show from the States - the Deen Show (now available on ch al-hijrah, at 11 every Saturday). The host of the show, brother Eddie is a very interesting person. He has never said much about his own past, but he himself wasn't a Muslim to begin with. This man of Romanian descent used to live a shady past until he became a Muslim and left it all behind. Brother Eddie has been described by a person (who I will later reveal) as a 'Da'wah machine'. Literally, he would approach just anybody on the street and inform them about Islam. Subhanallah, that is the extent of change in character Islam bring out of a person.

Brother Eddie, Da'wah machine and MMA instructor

Brother Eddie's show features a guest speaker every week giving talks about Islam. Through the show, I learnt not only much about Islam but also of great speakers. I came to know of Sheikh Kamal Al-Mekki, Professor Jerald Dirks, Abdur Rahim Green, Imam Suhaib Webb, just to name a few. But of all the speakers, one of them got me truly captivated. Nouman Ali Khan.

Brother Nouman's speeches are almost always about the Quran. MashaAllah (what Allah wills), the way he explains the Quran is like none other I have been exposed to and it really touched my heart at its core. I began searching more videos of brother Nouman and later found Bayyinah.com, the website of his own Institute for Quranic studies. I must have listened to his lectures on the Quran's contents for hundreds of hours - repeatedly! - and still I couldn't get enough of it! The Quran is truly magnificent. It is through his lectures that I came to the realization that I must memorize the Quran for myself.

Brother Nouman in another one of his amazing lectures

May Allah reward these brothers for all their effort in spreading and explaining to the world and especially to me about Islam. However, I acknowledge that it is only through the Mercy of Allah that I was given the opportunity to find these brothers. If not for Him, I would not have been where I stand today - more convinced of Islam as the ultimate truth than I ever was in all my 24 years of life combined. For that, I have no words to express my appreciation other than Alhamdulillah.

I need this

No... it's not another video game. It's just a drink that I've come to grow fond of since my days in NZ/AU. And it seems I can finally enjoy this awesome beverage locally!! But in Seremban of all places though...

Here's a picture evidence, taken by some guy/girl on Facebook. Whoever you are, I totally missed your name and forgot to copy your link too. In the unlikely event that you stumble upon this blog, I would like to sincerely apologise for this and also thank you for sharing this wonderful news.

Bubble tea....mmmmmm~

I want

You know what, It'd be really cool if I could...

1. play the guitar
2. play more games
3. play more games on a big HDTV with a good internet connection
   
4. be a video game reviewer
5. continue studying Japanese
6. learn Mandarin/Cantonese
   

Random things at the top of my head.. but yeah, I want to do a lot of different things (though most of them usually involve video games in some form or another).

But then, life isn't always meant to be about what we 'want' to do. It's more about what we 'have' to do.

and right now, I have to do what I have to do.

Two Odd Nine

It was exactly 1 year ago today that I stepped foot on the island and really began my career as a teacher. A lot has happened since. Some of the them, among the best things that ever happened in my life. And then there were other, not very good things as well. As a commemoration (and also because I failed to do this at the turn of the new year :p), here's a list of the 5 most memorable and 5 most detestable events of the year that was.

5 Things I wish never happened in 2009

1. My job
2. Being myself, occasionally
   
3. Teaching them half-wits
4. My students' PMR result
5. My job.
   

5 most memorable event of 2009

1. Definitely the best thing that ever happened to me was getting married to my long time girlfriend. I mean, I'm married! To the girl I've been going out with for 4 years. I couldn't ask for anything more
2. Meeting my friends in Malacca. What a way to end the year! They are the best friends I've ever had. To spend time with them, even if it wasn't very long was easily among the moments that I cherished most in 2009.
   
3. In spite of me not totally appreciating the fact that I'm posted in this here island, it was a free opportunity given to me to do activities I've never thought I wanted to do before. Najibu goes jungle trekking? Swimming??? It's almost sounds preposterous!
   
4. The trip to Aishah's wedding. I disliked traveling, but then, I knew that going on a trip with a bunch of friends could be so much fun. It's a shame that things will never be the same again since.
5. Attending my cousin's wedding in Sarawak. It's the first time in many, many years since I got to stay together with my once-upon-a-time close cousins. It was a lot of fun, even if we just spent most of the time watching HBO. Actually, it was boring, but it was fun anyways. So weird.
   

Najibu turns 24

image obtained from some random flickr

And so another year came to pass. I am now 24. That's not big a figure at all. I'm still plenty young with plenty of youth and vigor to go around. And especially young for a married man.

For better or for worse, the one thing that I have never experienced for the life of me was to celebrate my birthday with my dearest friends. Not that birthdays are such a big deal to me, but I've attended them, hosted them, and even organized one yet never had the honour as the centerpiece of the occasion as my birthday always fall during semester breaks. That might have also saved me from being enveloped with expired milk powder or getting drenched by... something. Like I said, for better or for worse....

The birthday that was the most memorable to me thus far was probably my 22nd, on the 14th November of 2007. It was an especially cold day for that time of year in Wellington. I felt so aimless and hopelessly bored that day, and everybody had clearly forgotten - or really, had never even known in the first place - that it was my birthday. Yep, nobody cares for a small fry like me, but I'm fine with that. I kept a low profile afterall.

All my aimless wandering that day (which includes a visit to at least a couple of video game stores) ended up at the doorsteps of a friend's house, who then graciously invited me in to have a cake that she had just baked! No, she had no idea it was my birthday, though, she did eventually found out a few days later, but it might as well be a birthday cake for me.

Well, that's enough of looking back. As for today, I would really love to etch my greatest appreciation to those of you who wished me birthday today. To follow a tradition I started last year, here are the beautiful souls who made my day:

Via Phone (Spoken)
Mien
Nodi

Via Phone (text)
Ah Seng
Sue Fin

Facebook
Indra - 2 days in advance!
Mass
Nicky
Nas
Guna
Jarod
Faa
Kak Jaja
Syukur
Eqbal
Alex
Anne
Fifi
Hilmi
Nina
Vimal
Pa
Tam
Apis
Aini

Compared to last year, the number of text messages dropped down a notch while Facebook comments increased exponentially. Truly, a showpiece of how the virtual space is where things roll these days.

Again, my heartiest thanks to everyone of you. I only pray that god bless each and everyone of you

One name is intentionally absent from the above list. One person, to whom my greatest appreciation goes to, is to my dearly beloved wife Sofya. Thank You, most of all =)

[Edit : 15/11] Special mention: Hilmy Yakap

So This Happened

THIS!

Q4 Shopping List

As the year comes close to a a close, the games are coming in droves! Even with me having much more buying power than I did the same time last year I couldn't possibly afford to buy everything I want within these few months. See, there's a set of games that I want to buy just so I could play with my posse at our year-end gathering (which is only for a few days) and then there's a whole different set that I personally, really, want to play. Here's what's in the list for now, but I might change it later according to my financial standings... (note: the list only consists of games releasing before 31/12/09)

Gathering

1. Marvel Ultimate Alliance 2
2. Borderlands (will buy regardless)
   
3. Band Hero (maybe)
4. Guitar Hero: Metallica (depends)
   
5. A brand new screen!
   

Personal - these are games that I will definitely get

1. Modern Warfare 2
2. Forza Motorsports 3
3. Dragonage: Origins
4. Assassins's Creed 2
5. Alpha Protocol
6. Brutal Legends
   

Actually, doesn't seem like that many things now that I listed it that way...but I still haven't calculated how much I'd need to spend for all those.

Regardless, I expect it to be a somewhat hefty sum, but not a necessarily ludicrous one either. I was also planning to get my hands on another Playstation 3 soon but it looks like that plan will have to be put on hold till next year.

[Edit] Somewhow forgot about Brutal Legends. That game wasn't very strong in my list anyways, but I am really interested in the fiction. And then there's Tekken 6, which for me is a maybe

I've got mail

Just received my 2 orders yesterday which are...

I know, you've probably played them last year. But they're sooo cheap!

I've been eager to play Red Alert 3 since I played the previous 2 and Banjo, the game that has received critical praise from the GiantBomb crew last year. Got them for little more than RM80 - a real good bargain for real good games. With Batman: Arkham Asylum in the mail sometime this week and Call of Juarez : Bound in Blood that I borrowed from my bro-in-law, I won't be running short of games to play for a while. Oh, I can hear them sweet achievements ringing already~

But it says I'm tough...

Think you know yourself well? I certainly don't. Not to get wholly academic here but if I remember my sociolinguistics well, there's this guy proposed the idea that our identity is what others perceive it as. So, taking that perception in mind, what we think of ourselves ultimately don't mean squat anyways.

And it so happened yesterday that a colleague presented a study metaphysics, which if to be believed was conducted by one Prof. Fadilah Kamsah that tries to nail down personalities according to our month of birth. Here's what it says for those born in November...

Banyak idea dalam perkara. Sukar untuk dimengertikan atau difahami sifatnya. Berfikiran kehadapan. Berfirasat unik dan bijak. Penuh dengan idea-idea baru yg luarbiasa. Pemikiran yg tajam. Daya firasat yg sangat halus dan tinggi. Bagus untuk jadi doktor. Cermat dan teliti. Personaliti dinamik. Sifat yg berahsia. Pandai mencungkil dan mencari rahsia. Banyak berfikir. Kurang bercakap tapi mesra. Berani. pemurah. Setia. Banyak kesabaran. Terlalu degil dan keras hati. Apabila hendak diusahakan sehingga berjaya. Tak suka marah kecuali digugat. Mudah ambil berat terhadap orang lain. Pandai muhasabah diri. Cara berfikir lain dari orang lain. Otak yang sangat tajam. Pandai mendorong diri sendiri. Tidak hargai pujian. Kekuatan semangat dan daya juang yg sangat tinggi. Badan yg tough (Stop. Laugh. Read on.) Kasih sayang dan emosi yg sangat mendalam. Romantik. Tidak pasti dengan hubungan kasih sayang. Suka duduk dirumah. Sangat rajin dan berkemampuan tinggi. Amanah. Jujur setia dan pandai berahsia. Tidak berapa berjaya mengawal emosi. Bercita-cita tinggi. Perangai tidak dapat diramal dan mudah berubah-ubah.

So there. How accurate do you think those descriptions hit me?

St. Anger

If my 8 months experience of teaching had taught me something, its that classroom is a battlefield, anger is the weapon, and victory and respect are earned through fear.

Now, I do not get angry easily. Perhaps even unhealthily so. I’m just not the type to shout at people. Heck, I can’t even talk smack properly. Being at school, my patience had been tested to its very limits time and again. If I were to have a limit break gauge, I’d say it’s been filled up more times this year than the last 22 years combined!

A few weeks ago the worst I could do was just vent my anger through verbal means. Last week, I smacked a in the back kid for fooling around in class and today, I pulled a kid’s ear for not listening to me in class, pretty hard too. Lately, I’ve been getting angry pretty more and more often, and I started to realize; you get angry one too many times and anger becomes you.

I hate getting angry… It drains the energy out of me. It makes me feel bad about myself..

But, I have been able to control the class much better these days. The kids are paying attention in class like they’ve never been before. So, I’m completely torn now. Should I put a cap on my limit gauge and go back to the likeable teacher who everyone ignores and eventually forgets, or do I let the rage consume me and be a teacher everyone fears but will be remembered for the rest of their life, in a good or bad way.

And then there’s that other option : be done with teaching and start a video game retail empire!! Mwahahahahahaha *coughs*



*Title inspired by Metallica's St. Anger, from their Some Kind of Monster album. Wicked

Lucky number 7?

It's my first pay day for me today (technically, yesterday) since the last 4 months I've been employed. Somehow, the amount was a little less that what I had expected. my pay should have been RM2300 so i should have gotten over 8k. Ithought that my school clerk had totally messed things up for me (he very often does).

After some conversation with fellow teacher and good friend The Seng (bukan nama sebenar), it made total sense, since I'm only getting just over half of my full pay for January. What is neat is that the amount of pay I received + whatever balance I had in the bank resulted to an unsangkarable amount of RM7777...and a few cents which totally blew it! I even thought twice on withdrawing money! Though, I did anyways.

On another note, my dear fiancee just turned 24 within the last 24 hours, but I can't even wish her properly. Shucks.. Anyways, if you are reading this : Congrats, you're now officially older than me, and I still love you all the same =)

Too much, too young, too fast

So much work, so little time.

Thanks to these administrative jobs I'm 'offered' 24 hours is no longer enough. On a normal day, I go to school around 10a.m and return home at 7, rest for a couple of hours and then back to school until 11p.m at the earliest. Overtime has simply become routine.

And the best part is that most of the so called 'work' I do doesn't even involve teaching. I barely have time to really sit and think how to teach in my next lessons. It really makes me rethink my line of profession. Am I a teacher, or am I a clerk? Maybe a teaching clerk??

Oh,I think the best answer is a zombie.



*Too Much, Too Young, Too Fast is a song that, if memory serves, performed by The Airborne. It's kind of messy but its alright. 3 stars

Blitzkrieg Bob

First week of practicum felt like a blitzkreg attack from out of nowhere with sledgehammer to the face. An XXL sledgehammer at that, too. Let me explain the process step-by-step to make it easier for you to understand:

• The part where the sledgehammer was swung was that Sunday before prac started. I knew it was coming straight at me but I was powerless to dodge it. The only thing I could do was wait for the impending slam and hope it won’t hurt too much.
• The next moment, the hammer hits and on that moment, the pain was unbearable. That was practically how the 5 first days felt. There’s a truck-load of things to be done. The lesson plans, organizing the portfolio and of course, dealing with the kids at school were just a few things that I had to bear with. And let’s not forget the icing on the cake. It’s chock-full of artificial sweeteners that its diabetic inducing; afternoon school sealed my fate of staying at hostel every Monday to Friday. Bye-bye McD, be-bye movies…
• And of finally, the last stage - the after effect of the hit. Everything went dark. Maybe a few stars were visible. And then everything just stopped there and then. The pain was gone. So are all the other senses. The next thing I realize is that I was laying down on the floor. Hey, the first week is over and done with and it felt all to short. Not that I hoped it would felt any longer, mind you.
  

And that’s the whole process. Here I am, waiting for the next 11 blows and hoping that by the end of it, my brain would still be functioning with all the screws still intact.

* Blitzkrieg Bob, by the American punk Rock band, The Ramones

The Tale That You Were In

June 19, 2008. On this day, my friend Sue Fin turned 23. I will always rember this day. Unfortunately, her birthday has little to do with it because on the same day, one of my consoles died on me. June 19, 2008, my PS3 has ceased to operate... yet again. Then again, the ps3 has never failed to dissapoint me. The first game I had on the ps3 (resistance) was mediocre at best. After Resistance, I was only using the PS3 to play PS2 games for over a year as no new games caught my attention (and even if there were, I'd prefer to buy them for the 360 anyways - achievement junkie). Just before the end of last year, it got broken once because of a sudden electrical surge in my apartment. EB Wellington was kind enough to had it sorted for me and I got a replacement from Sony NZ just before I left the windy city.

Power lights on, screen completely blank... its broken alright

That is not where the streak of bad luck ended for the console though. The thing weighs a hefty 7.5kg and there simply wasn't place for something as small yet as heavy as that in my bag. As much as I didn't want to, I had to part ways my PS3 at the airport. I had my ex-housemate Kurt posted to me through NZ Post. To my horror, it costs me 250nzd. Thats roughly around RM600. All seems fine after that, until I came to another shocking realization when I went to pick up the console at the LCCT terminal. I had to pay taxes for shipping the thing into the country! I told the customs officer that it was a sed item so I ended up having to pay RM150, instead of RM500 which I was supposed to pay had it been a new item.

The streak ended when PS3 game drought came to a close, which is when I bought Uncharted, and then Devil May Cry 3. The console finally had its chance of redeeming itself through the presence of Rock Band. After 3 months waiting, the PS3 had another chance to prove itself. Metal Gear Solid 4 was released on June 12. I enjoyed MGS4 immensely. I finished the game in just 2 days and immediately began my second play through. Now, approximately a week after I bought the game. The PS3 has failed me yet again. It powers on but the friggin thing just won't boot. Darn, I was so upset. Hopefully GamersHideout will be willing to accept a PS3 for repairs. Don't think I'll be doing that anytime soon though. I've invested too much money on the PS3 that I don't even have enough to get it fixed. Sigh....

*The Tale That You Were In - 君がいた物語(kimigaitamonogatari) - by See-Saw

Take This Life

I watched the whole 7 videos of Giantbomb's 'How to build a bomb' , and my impression is, I am extremely jealous . Oh btw, for those of who aren't keeping up with video game news, Giantbomb.com is a gaming website made by former employees of gaming news giant Gamespot.com, after a senior member (and Giantbomb founder) got 'retired' from Gamespot. On to what I was saying, I was jealous because they have everything that I could only dream of

• a job which revolves around video games.....check
• an office full of game/movie posters..............check
• multiple lcds and consoles for sytem link......check
• a comfy looking couch opposite a big lcd, rigged to various gaming consoles..............................check
• office mates whocan play and appreciate games...........................................check

The list goes on. Me, on the other hand, I'm stuck in my life not being able to have even half of the luxury they have. That does it, I'm gonna get me enough money to start up a gaming shop! Or at least I want to have a gaming studio in my house. Of course, theres that 1 problem - I still won't have people to play with me. Oh the woes of a lonesome gamer (T_T)




* Take This Life by In Flames

2008's shopping list

(in no particular order)

-Ninja Gaiden 2
-Prince of Persia
-Metal Gear Solid 4
-Farcry 2
-Fable 2
-Soul Calibur 4
-Gears of War 2
-Too Human
-Supreme Commander
-Beyond Good & Evil 2

....are currently what I seriously feel like buying. The average price of games in Malaysia are between 160-230 so lets take the midpoint and say each game costs 190. And 190 x 10 = 1900. THATS RM1900! I'm gonna have to start thinking which games I should throw out of that list. That, or I may have to start eating instant noodle and drink tap water everyday from now on.

[edit] instead of delisting anything, I have one more that I want to add to that list. Brothers in Arms: Hell's Highway. That takes it to a total of RM2090. Ouch

welcome home

After the previous holiday (sometime in March, maybe), I had never went home once... for certain reasons. Reason 1) Most of the time, theres nobody at home. Reason 2) I can't spend too much time playing video games. Finally, reason 3) I don't like watering the plants. Something that I must do almost everyday at home. Now I don't mind cleaning the house, sweeping, vacuuming, whatever, you name it. But watering the plants, that is the one thing that I can't bear with. Well, I guess I could if theres only three or four pots to water, but when theres a garden full of them, it get tedious real quick. It also doesn't help that the water pressure has been really low around these parts these days. Heres hoping that it rains occasionally to help me get through the holidays while keeping my sanity intact.

welcome home is a song by Coheed & Cambria